At the risk of sounding like a crazy person…God talks to me.

What? He does.

I think God talks to me, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Either God talks to me through my daily devotionals or everyone in the world just so happens to be going through what I am at the same time I am and this book was written with that in mind. I don’t read my devotionals every day. I wish I did, because they’re only one page and they always end in prayer, so really there’s no excuse for not taking the time and reading something so helpful. I’ve done less productive things. Blogging for example. 🙂 But I think God uses my devotionals to speak to me– not tailored for me, but you know, to remind me that other mothers experience the same thing, that I’m not a loser and I’m certainly not alone. I am constantly amazed at how much it reflects my life and tells me exactly what I need to hear.

On September 28th, I wrote about being a half woman, wrapped so much in my life as a mother that I felt like I was strangling the rest of my self. On October 1st, the devotional was about how God wants me to be happy, to live life to the fullest, and I quote, “It doesn’t matter that you might be elbow deep in diapers and carpools right now- you can still enjoy life!” ( from Daily Wisdom For Mothers by Michelle Medlock Adams) Exactly what I needed to hear, within a few days of me expressing my concern in this area. Yesterday Mike came home and after we went through our nightly routine and Nick was sleeping, we sat in our bedroom and just talked. All night… just talking about literature and art and things we want to do. One of the things we discussed was helping others. He had heard the local talk radio station was doing a drive yesterday to feed the local hungry and he expressed great concern on the matter. He was surprisingly compassionate for strangers, for perhaps the third time in our marriage. And guess what yesterday’s devotional was about? Giving with the right attitude to helping the poor, with the scripture reference being Acts 20:35. This sort of thing happens to me all the time!

When I read mine today (for today, the 3rd), I actually backtracked and read October 1st and 2nd too since I haven’t done my devotionals in at least a week. Surprised by how much it spoke to my life, I read tomorrow’s devotional, just to see what I was in store for… *snicker* It was about doing your best for God, giving it your all, in every area of your life, including, *gulp* housework.

He’s done it again. Yesterday I spent all day trying to muster the energy and desire to clean my house. It shouldn’t be this hard, I kept thinking. I should want to do this, to take care of my things and my family in this way. But try as I might to convince myself of this, I couldn’t get it all done. It didn’t help that I was totally ignoring my kid and as a result, he was acting out. I kept catching him in my makeup, playing in the bits of oven crumbs (I actually cleaned my oven yesterday, don’t faint) and I told him a million times to stop dragging toys into the living room five minutes after I had cleaned. I yelled, I cried, I fought all day with myself to stop being stupid and buckle down and do what I must with a more cheerful approach. My recent depression and general irritability didn’t help AT ALL (I know you all know what I mean, but just in case, think of your worst PMS and imagine having that for a whole month, every day, relentlessly.) By the end of the day, I needed a nice soak in the tub and a good cry. Mike allowed both, bless his heart, and folded all the laundry with not so much as a complaint. The devotional tomorrow pulls from 2 Timothy, about doing your best for God, and very clearly points out that God, after all, gave His best for you, and it’s the least you can do in return. Once again, just what I needed to hear. I wish I would have had that yesterday morning, before I started cleaning. 😉

Today I sit here with a more cheerful heart, knowing that, while I haven’t been as cheerful as I should about doing what needs to be done, I can at least say that next time maybe it will be a little easier. Maybe I will remember that if God can do so much for me and those that I love, it’s only right that I should return an ounce of that favor towards doing my best in ALL that I do so as to give Him glory. It makes sense, after all. Maybe if I just hang on to the positive, I’ll be able to prevent the bad mood, the yelling, the self-conflict, and the tears. Maybe.

It’s a little surprising how much one little thing that you observe can change your entire attitude about a whole lot of things, but it’s a welcome surprise. So thank you, God, for talking to me and showing me that I’m not alone, that You are there to care for me and guide me through this crazy life of mine. I certainly couldn’t do it all by myself.