Posted by: angelnorman | November 4, 2007

My biggest fans

Things that have contributed to me being fat:

1. Birth control pills
2. Bad body image
3. Emotional overeating/addictive personality
4. Krispy Kreme
5. My husband’s willingness to overlook my size
6. Lack of exercise/poor diet (naturally)
7. Global warming? Why not…?

I’m reading I’m Not the New Me, by Wendy McClure. It speaks to me, because I am, at the root of it all, a fat girl with a fat girl story (or two. or ten.)

***

I was in East Nashville tonight, in Shelby park to be exact. I left my purse at my aunt’s house last night and my grandparents took it home with them. So we drove tonight to get it. Afterwards, we came back through Shelby, and I couldn’t help but think of my first crush and how I just knew I’d marry him some day and live somewhere in the South 14th vicinity, where we grew up, where our dreams were born. So much of that area has changed in what seems like so little time. But 15 or 20 years is indeed a long time. Thank goodness for that change. Thank goodness for the changes I’ve made… I couldn’t imagine being married to him now and especially not living in that area, raising a family on the edge of the Cumberland River and downtown Nashville… but I guess people do it. The only thing that makes me sad are the dreams I had. Where did they go? They floated down the river with my youth perhaps!

I have been writing more though. So that’s good news I guess.

***

My cousin David means the world to me. Did you know? I watched a movie tonight where I was wrestling with him and a million of my other cousins on a bed at my grandmother’s house. It struck me as odd because I can’t remember being particularly smitten with him when I was a child… there was no real closeness, no real bond. Seeing myself crawl all over him like that was weird! He was this older cousin, a figure I couldn’t identify with, seemingly wild and reckless with his long hair and western accent. Ha. And even looking back, it’s like I can’t remember feeling close to him at all. It wasn’t until I was 17 or 18 that the bond really formed and now he’s like a brother to me. i don’t care if I don’t see him for an entire year… it’s like whenever I get back to him, we rush to one another and hug and there’s that laughing and storytelling and friendship all over again.

I seen him yesterday. He’s on leave from Iraq, but he goes back on the 13th.

He comes back home for what we hope is good in June. I’ll drive all the way to Chattanooga to greet him, with a bottle of Wild Turkey with our names on it. Good times.

It is so hard to know how much danger he faces and to NOT cry when I say farewell, that I love him, to take care of himself. Oy. If something happened to him, I don’t know that I’d ever recover. I hate thinking like that, but listening to him tell stories didn’t make it any easier to NOT think about. It’s just an awful situation and I know for a fact that were something to happen, my whole world would be knocked off its axis. He is much too special to me to get over, like my grandmother who died 3 years ago I guess. They occupy this special place in my heart where I place the folks who take me the way I am and never judged or make assumptions or change me to fit their molds.

The people who love me the most… and show it.

My biggest fans.

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Responses

  1. I”m so glad you got to see him..I will be thinking of him a lot whenever I hear updates on the war. He is in my prayers.


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