Posted by: angelnorman | November 7, 2007

Because at the root of it all, not only am I a fat girl, but I’m a bitter fat girl

I can’t believe sometimes how cynical I can be… it grosses me out. It’s very smug and unflattering or I would blog about it in more depth. Until then you will have to accept on my word that my vague mention of my cynicism means that I have found myself in contempt for being overly cynical today and am ashamed of myself for it. :/

Could it be that my negative attitude is what makes everything so wrong in my life? When bad things happen, is it because they just happened or because deep down I expected them to? Hmph.

I’ve eaten entirely too much candy, and it’s really taking a toll on me.

***

Yesterday I cleaned my office. I threw out 80% of all the junk I’ve been holding on to- old bills that I had to sit and shred by hand, letters and birthday cards and even some toys, don’t tell Nick . It felt good, like a good purge must feel, and I am sitting here today revelling in the knowledge that last night I dusted my desks for what must have been the first time in two months.

Needless to say, I often overlook the office.

It’s the one room in the house that is the catch-all for everything from the other rooms. Mail clutters the top of the server’s case, which already looks rather stupid stacked on the side of Mike’s computer’s case, and then the mail overflows onto Mike’s desk. Mike’s desk also catches spare computer parts, check book things, bills, books, broken toys, and every compact disc we own. Lining my desk were candy wrappers and other garbage, beads, wires, random crafting supplies, crochet hooks, incense sticks, markers and paint pens…. There are mismatched desks and chairs, a random chair that I evicted from the living room, and a nice coat of dust on top of it all.

I see things like this and can only dream that one day my office won’t look like a college student’s study area… Seriously, how streamlined that is! And how badly I want that wrapping paper!

***

I don’t feel good. I feel off. Something is off.

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