Posted by: angelnorman | November 9, 2007

Don’t cry for me, Argentina

Big fat lie I’m trying to convince myself is true #1:

I’m just working with what God gave me.

No, honey. God didn’t give you the excess weight. McDonald’s did. And last I checked, taking a trip to McDonald’s is not the same as going to church, therefore, you are working with what fat straw drinks and quarter pounders with cheese gave you.

***

Is it possible to feel guilty for something you can’t do, really? Sometimes I feel guilty because I can’t do for my friends what they do for me… rides here and there, babysitting freely, etc. I feel guilty that I can’t return that. But is it real guilt or is it just that I am somewhat embarrassed by my limitations, financially and transportationally (um, is that a word? perhaps I am also limited grammatically)? Is it that I label it as guilt, although in truth, it’s just that feel embarrassed by things done for me because I know I can never do the same for others? Is that all this is– shame?

It’s rhetorical. Don’t bother.

***

I’m going to be fine with this whole fat thing. Don’t worry about me being too absorbed or depressed. I mean sure, it hurts me to think this way, but then the truth often does hurt. It’s something I just have to face or I fear I’ll never work through it to make it better. It could even worsen. So really, I mean, I appreciate the comments or the agreements or whatever that you’ve made, but I just want everyone to know that this is something I MUST get out of my system. Just let me get it out, and laugh along with me if you want. You don’t have to be sad for me though. I’m fine, really.

I’ve just got too big of a butt. That’s all.

***

Two days till the party. I got my Pampers Parentpages newsletter that read, “Your child is three!” today…. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I’ve accepted it though. I mean, what choice did I have? haha.

If anyone wants to come to the party and I didn’t invite you, I wish that you would say something to me. I don’t want to put pressure on those who maybe I’ve just gotten to know… or on those who I knew well but lost touch with… I am not purposely singling anyone out and I hate to think that there are few of you out there who feel like I just don’t want you involved. No, that is not the case at all. Trust me. I want anyone who wants to celebrate my kid to be there. I’ve already told a few of my originally uninvited  but still BELOVED friends this and I have extended the invite to them, despite wanting to keep the party low key. I would rather the party be super chaotic than to think that someone thinks I’m purposely leaving them out for spiteful reasons. I hope that you all know that you mean a lot to me… unless you’re some random person who reads my blog and then, well you mean something to me too. Just maybe not as much as my friends do. Sorry, but there’s only so much love to go around.

I’m j/k.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. You are coocoo, my friend! LOL

  2. if my cousin wasn’t getting married tomorrow, I would love to be there and meet & celebrate Nick! He is an amazing little boy! Probably because he has such an amazing Mama! I hope ya’ll have fun! Take lots of pics!

  3. i am really glad you invited coen and i…nic is one of my fave kids


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: