Posted by: angelnorman | November 10, 2007

He’s three now. Not officially but almost.

I wrote this on November 24th, 2004… 12 days after having Nick.

“he’s still in NICU and will be for at least another 5 weeks. he was on a ventilator for awhile, but they took him off. they give him a little oxygen every now and then but it’s his lungs doing all the work. he has jaundice on and off, too. but that is expected, even with non-premature babies. He has NEC, which is an infection of his bowel and it’s causing him some grief but we’re praying that the antibiotics clear that up very soon. he is such a blessing, and such a beautiful baby boy. i can’t even begin to put into words how i feel when i look at him, when i touch his little hands or feet, when i cup my hand over his eyes and he opens them to look at me…. and then i feel so different, so weird to be a mom and to not have my baby here with me. it’s an empty feeling and not just physically. i know he isn’t in my body. i know that he isn’t in my house. i have had a baby, am going through the effects of having a baby, only i have no baby to care for right here with me. it’s such an emotional time, and when they tell you that it’s going to be a rollercoaster of emotions and of success, they do not lie. i am feeling every emotion out there lately. i’m angry some, mainly about this moving crap i’m going thru, and then i’m sad for my child. and i’m scared for him, and i’m happy for him. and i’m thankful and filled with love… and it’s an amazing experience. i’ll never do it justice by describing it, though. it’s just something you hafta feel on your own to really understand.”

I wrote this last year.

“today is nick’s two year birthday… my how time flies. two years ago today that they told me, “at 7:30 tonight, your baby will be here!”, two months early also. all the emotions! all the excitement! all the uncertainty and then elation and then thankfulness and fear and then happiness and then sadness and then gratefulness again after the surgery and then on and on throughout all the milestones- sitting up, rolling over, crawling, playing, bouncing, standing, walking, dancing, jumping, marching to “we are the dinosaurs”! all the way up until today, where i find him playing quietly with all his new cars or pushing the music button on his new truck that plays, “who let the dogs out?” all the way till today where he asks for cake for breakfast, and where, after he eats at least half his oatmeal, i cave in and let him have his cake for breakfast. all the way till today where behind me, he sits with michelle on the floor, playing with his thomas train set and singing out, “tooo toooo!” i couldn’t be more proud of anything in all my life.”

I write about it every year and still I find myself surprised that there are no words to describe how I feel.

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Responses

  1. That is beautiful Angel. Nick is such a blessing..not only in the ways your wrote about..but in our lives as well. I’m glad Jenson has such a great friend..and I”m glad that Nick thinks I’m funny sometimes…and who else would I have to call me “Den”. I will probably cry when he starts saying it properly. YAY FOR NICK!

  2. that is such a cool thing that you write about it every year. that will be so amazing to look back on as the years really start piling up. it helps you not to forget how special this time really was/is.
    hapy birthday nick!


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