Posted by: angelnorman | March 17, 2008

Parenting Schmarenting

The hubs and I do not see eye-to-eye on potty-training. All day long we change Nick’s pull ups without question, acting as if we’re cool with him not using the toilet. Then at night, usually an hour or so after bedtime, we’ll learn that not only is Nick still awake in most circumstances, but he also has a dirty pull-up. Hubs will usually groan and fuss at Nick, saying things like, “You need to tell us when you poop” and “Why can’t you go on the toilet? Diapers are for babies” and it REALLY gets under my skin and before ya know it, I’m in a full-on fight with Mike about the way he parents our kid. I believe two nights ago I suggested he just never talk to Nick around bedtime. Mature? No. Would it help? Perhaps!

In my opinion, no kid in his right mind would want to come and tell his parents that he has a poopy diaper when a) his dad always acts as if poop in the pull-up is the absolute worst thing in the world and b) his dad thinks he’s babyish for having an accident. Even if it’s no accident, you have to be VERY careful what you say to children in my opinion and Mike just doesn’t get it. It doesn’t click with him. And it drives me absolutely batty.

And now it’s so bad that Nicholas will just outwardly lie about what is in his pants. I will smell something, you know, unfresh, and so I’ll say, “Do you have a stinky, Nick?” and he’ll tell me he does not. I will check and sure enough, there it is, and I’ll ask him to not fib to me about it because it NEEDS to be cleaned up if it’s there… but he has been lying consistently for weeks about it. It hurts me for him because I don’t know if he’s fibbing just to fib or to save his butt, ya know? Like he thinks he’s going to be in serious trouble. What if he thinks it’s wrong to poop?

Now, my husband is a good father and I don’t mean to make you think that I feel otherwise about him. I just think he doesn’t know how to put on that kid filter that I seemed to be equipped with (except when it comes to cursing, because I still let those slide on occasion– oops). But you know, from the time he was a tiny tot to now, I’ve made sure to speak to Nick like a person but with a special sensitivity to accomodate his needs and level of understanding as the little kid that he is. Mike on the other hand talks to Nick like he talks to me, and ya know– it goes beyond communication. If I leave Mike alone with Nick, the television is always on and it’s usually showing some movie like Waterworld or some Kung Fu flick where there’s a lot of fighting and mayhem. I rarely turn off Noggin when I’m here, so it drives me crazy that Mike can’t think about what Nick’s little mind might interpret movies like that to be– what if he thinks they’re real? What if he thinks it’s okay to fight? And you know, the thing is that I’m feeling him on where he stands about things. You think I’m not tired of cleaning up poop? You think I never get sick of Noggin? You think I never want to yell and scream? HA. The truth is that I feel the same way he does, I just handle it so differently.

I know, worse things have happened. I get the “choose your battles” argument. No kid ever died from watching Waterworld, except for maybe from boredom. But the big battle here is that my husband and I are never on the same page when it comes to Nick, and that kills me.

KILLS. ME.

The least he could do is join me in the same book. I mean, he could at least try to be a little more sensitive and still teach Nick what is appropriate. What I’m saying is that he just needs to be a little nicer about it, quit saying he’s a baby and all, quit making him feel bad for having done something that is natural to do no matter how un-fun it is to clean.

I sorta remind myself of Clem in the movie Joe Dirt.

“You’re talking to my boy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone.”

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Responses

  1. i am glad to hear that Coen isnt the only “liar” when it comes to bodily functions he does in his pants…how he can look at me with a straight face and say “No i did not shushu”, while the smell is overwhelming is beyond me…..

  2. And I’m so glad to know that it’s not just my kid who is lying about it too! I thought maybe we had done something regarding the way we handle it that had sparked a fear of the dirty truth (in more ways than one) within him. I had a talk with Mike today about it, because the lying bothers me in that I just don’t want him to be afraid of sharing things with me. Mike agreed that we need to be more sensitive when it comes to pooping accidents and the ones that aren’t so accidental, and maybe then Nick will feel more comfortable telling us the truth about things. Who knows? May God be with us all, lol.


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