Posted by: angelnorman | May 8, 2008

unda presha

what’s this little norman doing up at 1:30 am?

why, trying to unwind from a rather hectic day of course. it’s been just over an hour since mike has went to bed, 2 hours since nick has fallen asleep (finally!), and now is the perfect time to light a candle (well, to burn a tart anyways), sip some hot tea, and… uhhhh, do laundry. i’ve said in the past that i have some issues with insomnia but i think i’m mistaken about the culprit. i know what it is really. it’s just that i don’t want to go to bed, no matter how tired my eyes might be, because i know that i need to seize this hour or two to just be alone and do whatever i want. whatever. in the quiet. with a candle and some hot drink. and all by myself. my favorite concept lately.

sometimes, being a SAHM gets to me. i am so, so lucky that we are able to afford me being able to stay at home with nick each and every day. we are an incredibly fortunate family in many ways. but sometimes i can’t help but be overwhelmed by it all. tonight i had a huge phone conversation with my grandmother– who birthed 5 children, raising 4 of them into self-sufficient adults, who suffered through the loss of a toddler to leukemia, who worked and scraped her entire life to get by all while remaining a wonderful christian lady who volunteered and babysat grandkids and supported her pastor, which just so happened to also be her husband (so you know she was under the pressure of having all the eyes of the congregation on her from time to time), who has taken care of all her ailing parents as they slowly passed from this life to the next– about how overwhelmed i was with my day-to-day. with my one kid, mind you.

thankfully, she sympathized with me and didn’t judge me for being a wimp. but i will totally admit that i am.

i am not really ashamed to admit anymore that i am not a supermom. in fact, i don’t even want to be a supermom. i just want to be able to keep my house semi-clean and raise my child to love God, to be a good steward of the planet, to be respectful of all God’s creatures, and to occasionally listen to his mother when she says, “stop that!”/ “naptime!”/ “time to clean up this (hot) mess!”/ “come here!”/ “get dressed” /”don’t you even think about doing <insert bad behavior here>.” and i want to not worry about how to entertain him, if that’s possible. 🙂

the housework is what’s really kickin’ mah butt  the most lately. maybe it’s just me but i have a hard time concentrating on things when everything around me is in any sort of turmoil, whether it be uncertainty surrounding a major life-changing decision, lack of organization in my work space, or whether it’s simply that everyone is in a foul mood. so this may just be a phenomenon in the norman household, but when things aren’t going well in one area, it doesn’t seem like it’s long before every thing in every area is all wrong.

so what’s wrong here? you guessed it… everything.

my house is in a state of despair. i will eventually quit blogging about this because eventually i will realize that a messy house is a part of life, but today is not that day. today i am only focusing on the fact that no matter how much i whine about it, things just do not get done. as soon as i complete a task, someone undoes it. and if they don’t undo that particular task, they undo another that i did on a previous day. so it’s constant. and really, i just want one day where i can have it all done. what bothers me the most though is not the mess; it’s the fact that i have lost control of the mess. i have had those days where i could be carefree ’cause my house was clean and calm before, so i know it’s possible! i just can’t acheive it, and i’m not pleased with that.

also, tempers are running rampant around here. i am almost always in a foul mood since bible study has been over, and although the connection there is obvious– God is the one who brings the peace, i also think that it’s because i had focused time every single day and a trip out of the house once a week where i didn’t have to lug a kid along with me every second of that adventure. i had ME time. oh, what a luxury. and mike has been so super busy with school and such since it just got out last week (he did very well, thanks for asking) that he’s been a little moody too. if not stressing about the atlanta job, then you could surely bet he was stressing about his finals. and now he’s back to stressing the atlanta job, but since he doesn’t have anything else to occupy his mind in the meantime, he is seemingly more focused on nick’s bad behavior.

which brings me to my third mr. grumpygills. nicholas is a typical three-year old behaving in typical three year old ways. i know this. but here lately, especially as mother’s day approaches, i find myself longing to have that sweet sort of relationship he and i had this time last year, when he was a 2 year old, still sleeping in his crib and being sweet to me daily.

here’s an example of his attitude on sunday:
me: so, nick, did you have fun riding the pony at layla’s party?
nick: *silence*
mike: did you like the ponies?
nick: yes i did.
me: do you remember what the pony’s name was that you rode?
nick: *crickets chirping*
me: it was bubba! isn’t that funny? and wasn’t that donkey funny too?
nick: *silence again*
mike: and did you like the tractor?
nick: yes, i drived it.
me: that was fun, huh?
nick: *absolutely. no. sound.*

everytime i asked him something, he ignored me. he would always answer mike. so finally mike said that nicholas better start treating me nice, to which nicholas replied “no. she is mean to me and she yells at me.”

umm.

but it’s not just me that he’s been sassy with. today, everything mike asked him to do, he ignored. when i asked him to do those same things, he did them without complaint. his reasoning at bedtime? you guessed it. daddy’s mean to him and yells at him. *yawn* get a new line, kid.

so you see, we have this very emotional toddler on our hands. i will, i’m sure, write more on this later because i do not have the slightest clue on how to deal with him and what else are blogs for if not for publicly admitting my shortcomings and writing detailed descriptions of my failed attempts at raising a human?

but i digress.

i’m just really tired lately, feeling a little out of control. my house is in disarray, my love life is quickly making its way down the crapper, my kid hates me every other day, my sleep schedule is all messed up, my body is aching and its old and fat, and to make everything worse, i cut my bangs too short.

i need to unplug, so i’m leaving on friday afternoon to hit up chat-town with my gal pal jen. we’re hitting the highway until saturday, and we plan to do nothing but sleep, eat, swim, and shop for an entire day sans children and husbands. i am so excited because short of that one roadtrip with michelle where we got lost in louisville and ran over the parking lot thing (that concrete block at the front of the parking spaces) nearly tearing up her car, i haven’t been on a girls only road trip that didn’t include my mother. and even then, i’m not sure if i have roadtripped anywhere with her.

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Responses

  1. dang, ladies! sounds like fun!!!!

  2. I want to go on a road trip with ya! No I don’t think we ever have been anywhere. Let’s go somewhere soon. How bout it?

  3. just to make you feel a little better….we found out last week that coen had been spending a lot of time in the principals office for back talking, throwing his shoes and mocking the teachers….he might just be the first child kicked out of a mothers day out program for a sassy mouth….and he is only 3, i am in trouble

  4. Is it Friday yet?

    To all the ladies….this summer – we should all go to Memphis and see Graceland and Sun City as a group!

    P.S. Supermom’s are somewhat overrated in my opinion..and they probably have crappy/lame-o sex when they do get it. LOL I’m starting to take joy in this disarray of Mom life…but only because I’m leaving for Chattanooga soon. 🙂


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