Posted by: angelnorman | June 6, 2008

passionate kisses

here’s that word again- passion.

i had several comments on my blog about lost passion, and a few conversations about it on the side, and it’s very nice to know that i am NOT alone in how i feel. that being said, i wanted to clarify my last blog regarding my first session of bible study, the same blog where i implied that my complaints in the previous passion blog were selfish.

passion comes from God. i seriously believe that if we have passion in our hearts to do something that is whole and good and not corrupt, be it writing or gardening, it comes from God, who gives us the capability to have passion for these things in our lives. i’m not talking about sexual passion for whatever movie star, though God has given us free will to experience that as well. i’m talking about good things, not the perverse. i believe wholeheartedly that nothing perverse comes from God, but it might come from the world.

i’m clarifying this because i don’t want you to think i am saying that you are being selfish because you feel like you’ve lost your passion. on the contrary, it is ME who i feel is being selfish because i know where my sudden problem with the “lack of passion” came from… it came out of jealousy and anger.

i said really silly things in my conversation with mike that night that proved i was a little resentful of my husband and my position in this family as the woman behind the man. most days, i’d not only be content with this role, but i’d even sort of be proud of the role as a wonderwife. it was because i looked at my situation through the eyes of anger, resentment, jealousy, and pride that i ended up depressed about what my life has become.

now this is not to say that i no longer see a need for me to find my passion. no, that’s not the case at all. i do need passion– passion about my family and my role within this family, passion for God and how He works in my life, and passion for writing, something I’ve always loved to do. i need these things and i need to exercise passion in these and many different areas. what i don’t need to do though is let the world confuse and consume me with its measurements in terms of money and fame. i fully believe deep down that success cannot be measured like that, and i don’t know what came over me to make me re-evaluate my life like that on the world’s terms.

i am no longer of the world. i gave that up a long time ago when i decided to be as non-conformist as i possibly could. 😉

in all seriousness though, i think a struggle to hold on to the passions we’ve had in our youth is NORMAL, and it’s not at all something i think any of us should be ashamed of. i just didn’t want you to read my follow-up blog about some of the things i’ve realized since wednesday night and think, “wow, she’s saying i’m selfish for needing this, and because my life isn’t all about God my complaints are not valid.” no, no, no. i’m not judging anyone and i am certainly not questioning the validity of anyone’s issues. it’s a real struggle, and i am with you on that.

i’m not sure i can offer any help here but now that you’ve made it this far, i say we go on a hunt for our passion together. i’m going to research ways to regain your passion and i’ll pass on any info i come across.

hugs to you all. 

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