Posted by: angelnorman | September 2, 2008

Back to school, take two

Day two of school, three weeks later.

This morning I dropped Nick off for his second day of school, but it felt like the first all over again– only this time, I was way more emotional than expected. Honestly, I just didn’t want to send him back so soon after the surgery, even though it’s been almost two weeks. I wanted to shed a tear or two and hang onto him for dear life, keep him home with me until next semester maybe. But I couldn’t do that to him, you know. He was so excited to go back to school this morning that he called me “daddy” on the way to his classroom (total accident on his part, which made us laugh) and then while I was signing him in, he ran right into his class without even kissing me goodbye.

Pfft.

On the way back to the car, I had to remind myself half a dozen times that I can’t keep him with me forever. He deserves to live his own life, have his own fun, to be independent of me in lots of ways. It was just really hard to get the “what-ifs” out of my head. I just had to keep reminding myself that the what-ifs rarely happen, that my worrying is in vain.

And it turns out, he had a fantastic day so my worries were indeed misplaced. I spoke with both his teachers this afternoon and they said that he was the sweetest thing, so soft-spoken and kind. Imagine! My child… soft spoken? Say it ain’t so! 🙂 They said he jumped in as if he’d been going to school all this time; that he gave them no problems; that he follows directions better than most; and that he did a great job of eating his lunch today.

They measured and weighed him; then they made a copy of his handprint for me. So cute. Turns out he weighs 30 lbs again (which is good because he got down to 27 before his surgery! YAY Lipids and TPN!) and he is 41″ tall.

I was particularly concerned about him eating well without me hounding him to eat, you know? He hasn’t had a single meal independent from me or Mike since before the surgery, and I just wanted to make sure that his intake was adequate and nothing I should worry about. I know, I know. Worrying is counter-productive and lame. But in this case, it’s semi-warranted because we do need to make sure he’s eating properly these next few weeks before our follow-up with his surgeon. We need to report that his food intake and his waste output are all perfectly normal.

I was just hoping he wouldn’t go hungry while at school and then I wouldn’t know about it. Or maybe he’d end up with an upset belly and they’d have to call me or something… Again with the worry! (I will hush now, HA.) I asked specifically though, if he ate, and I said, “I know you guys can’t watch every single child and monitor how much each one eats, but I was just wondering if maybe you noticed whether or not he ate?” And so Mrs. Shelley preceded to tell me every single thing he ate, how much of his applesauce and his oatmeal creme pie was eaten, etc. Then Mrs. Ruthie says, “Yes, and he even drank all his juice and asked for milk too!”

I was incredibly impressed that they were able to give me specifics like that; I wasn’t prepared for them to do that and it caught me off guard. Fourteen kids in their class and they note and remember these things about them! I love his teachers– they are awesome. I will never ever doubt whether they take good care of him or not. It’s pretty obvious to me that they really care for him.

We talked a while about what happened to him, what sort of surgery he faced, and then of course how long it took him to eat again. They were very sympathetic and just wanted to make sure that there weren’t special instructions for them.

Before I left, I confessed to them that today was harder on me than the first day of school was, and that I missed him more today than I ever have. We laughed about it, of course, and Mrs. Ruthie suggested I read Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. I’d never heard of it so she filled me in on the story’s plot. Apparently, little raccoon doesn’t want to go to school and his mommy, in an effort to make him feel better, kisses his hand and tells him to rub his face with the kissed hand whenever he misses her. That way, it’s like he gets a kiss from mommy whenever he needs it.

Of course, Mrs. Ruthie was suggesting that I have Nick kiss my hand, and I joked that I would sit around and do nothing but rub it on my face all day.

But really, why would I want to do anything more than I would want to rub his sweet kisses all over my face? 🙂

I’m lost without him. Who else will play Batman with me? Mike? Pfft.

P.S. Thank you kindly to my friends Shea, Mandy, Lindsay, and Emily (and also to my grandmother and my aunt!) who have all done a wondrous job in making my day a little brighter today. I’m so glad that I am understood, that I have outlets where I can vent without worry of judgment. You guys were so sweet to talk to me about my depression and reassure me how normal it is, or to send me cards that made me smile and feel loved. I really appreciate your concern and your thoughts, more than I can begin to tell you. It’s really nice to hear from people who’ve been there and to know that I am not alone!

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Responses

  1. No problem. Any time. And maybe we can go get coffee or something soon and talk in person. I’m here, day or night. xxoo

  2. the best thing about your mask is that is still has the hangy tag on it. that really adds to the picture nicely. I’m so glad nick’s first day back went well – I thought of him this morning, thinking he was probably going back.

    Its not quite the same but today was the first day dropping the boys off at school was hard for me too. It was the first time they get dropped off and we weren’t supposed to take them in. I had to watch them run into school in the rear view mirror. Talk about heart-wrenching…..

  3. oh and cash & hayden made kissing hands on their first day of school! it is a cute story.

  4. so glad he’s better and going back to school, I can only imagine how hard it is for you! it’s been kinda hard having Abby in school and not knowing how things are going and so on, but I haven’t been home with her the last 4 years. Just remember it is good for him and now you will have a little Angel time!
    PS love the masks!

  5. I am glad Nicks first day back at school was so good! Taylor went to school today after getting those pins out and now I am all worried again! LOL! Make me stop! I want all of this removed from my mind! Thanks for the long comment! I feel like no one understands, but you do for sure, we can worry and be depressed together! But why am I depressed? Taylor is fine now, I think it is all the worry for no reason, but to me it is a real reason! I hate sending him back to the place that he got hurt at. Someday we will be normal moms with normal lives again!


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