Posted by: angelnorman | October 2, 2008

Things I Don’t Get Thursday

1. Laryngitis. I mean, I get it, ’cause I got it. But I don’t really understand why I have it, since I have no other issues. It must be all the yelling I’ve had to do at my kid in the last three days. Now I can officially tell him that mommy’s pain is because of him and actually mean it.

And why is whispering harder on your larynx than speaking softly? Hm.

2. Pampers Parentpages and anyone who talks about how many months old their kid is after 18 months.  Okay, maybe after 24 months.

Apparently, when Nick was just an infant (I’d say about 2-3 months), I signed up for this gem of a service to have a newsletter sent to me every month to tell me what to expect from my child behaviorally or developmentally that particular age month. I guess I’m just the type of gal who needs that sort of thing. It’s been a really cool service, though, so far, telling me helpful things like “Expect your toddlers to lie to you every now and then”, which is helpful in the sense that it keeps me from bidding the demons within him to flee in Jesus’s name anytime he fibs to me. I mean, do you know what kind of time sinks exorcisms can be? Oh, I kid. I kid.

But seriously, it is helpful. And seriously, Nick’s been really bad lately. Not quite demonically bad, maybe, but sometimes I wonder what has possessed him to do things like randomly cut a photograph of his dad and his ex-girlfriend to pieces– then lie about it while still holding the scissors and picture in his hands. Seriously, he did that! Not me, but Nick. Apparently he can’t stand the idea of his dad with anyone but me. I guess I’ll always have him on my side, right?

(And Mike is the one who busted him doing it. I wasn’t even here. I know you’re still trying to blame me, but I am innocent, thanks very much. I was off getting laryngitis and hanging with the momtourage.)

This morning I opened my email to see that there was yet another Pampers Parentpages waiting for me, though, and in the subject line it said, “Your child is 47 months old!” And I was like, “47 months?! When do we draw the line on the months as the age?” And Mike was all, “What if you get ’em forever, and it’s all, ‘You’re child is 436 months old’?” Then we figured that that would mean 36 years old, and we were all, “When will this madness end?”

Why, Pampers Parentpages, why?! Why can’t you simply say, “Hey, your kid is almost 4 and here’s what to expect when he actually turns 4”?

This of course also led to me and Mike discovering that we were 336 months and 372 months, respectively.

3. John Edward, the “I talk to dead people” guy. He creeps me out.


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