Posted by: angelnorman | October 25, 2008

Romance flew out the window, apparently after the first date.

My husband is not a romantic person. For that matter, neither am I, but at least I try occasionally to be a tad romantic, sometimes for no reason at all other than to shake things up a bit. Like, I might write a love note or send an ecard or do some sort of special favor for Mike, like making his favorite dinner or baking him a whole batch of his favorite cookies… or pie… or bread! I do things like that, sure. Mike doesn’t though. I don’t think he would even know what my favorite cookies are (clearly, chocolate chip) or what sort of pie I like best (fudge). He has a hard enough time just remembering that my name is Angel and I chose to marry him almost 9 years ago.

So I’m not sure why the thing that went down on last Sunday’s trip to the zoo surprised me as much as it did.

I should also go ahead and tell you that despite his great obliviousness to his own personal style, Michael can be pretty dang judgmental of the way other people look. “Crocs,” he said to me, “are stupid. They’re a fad, and they’re stupid. I hate fads like that.” Being opposed to shoes with holes in them is one thing; talking about how stupid they are while you’re wearing an old faded USA t-shirt, red shorts (gotta match, right?), and socks with SANDALS is a whole other thing entirely.

So Sunday, we’re at the zoo and out of nowhere, he says, “Wow. Really? C’mon.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“Look at that lady wearing heels! To the zoo! THE ZOO. Doesn’t she know she has to do a lot of walking? Idiot.”

“Well,” I say, trying to defend this poor lady. “What if she’s on a date? I mean, she’s walking with that guy… maybe it was a surprise date. Maybe he showed up and she was all dressed cute and he said, ‘Today, you and I are gonna walk around the zoo!’ and maybe she thought she’d be okay. Maybe she wears heels everyday. Oh! Maybe it’s their first date!”

He looks at me through narrowed eyes as I snuggle closer to him and link my arm in his. “A date? Yeah, right. Pretty lame place to go for a date.”

I stepped back to look at him, waiting for a smile. He looks at me blankly and says, “What?”

“You’re serious?” I asked.

“Well, don’t you think that’s kind of a lame place to take someone on a date?” And then after he sees that I’m not smiling or agreeing with him, he adds, “No? You don’t? I don’t know. Maybe it’s not.”

“Well,” I said, through clenched teeth. “Just wow, Mike. I thought you were joking, especially considering that THAT IS WHERE YOU TOOK ME FOR OUR FIRST ONE-ON-ONE, JUST YOU AND ME ALONE, DATE.”

“I did?!” Long pause. “Oh my God, I did.”

His asshattery never ceases to amaze.

 ***Mike was only wearing those clothes around the house, just so you know. He would never be allowed in public like this. The sandals were merely put on so that he could go and fetch the diet coke he bought for me from the car, so I should lighten up. While I agree that a foam shoe with holes is not my cup of tea, I couldn’t help but find it really ironic, his judgment of others. Plus, I set him up for it… ’cause I waited till he looked really dumb before I asked his opinion on crocs. Yeah, that’s it. ***

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Responses

  1. Awesome. Ha.

  2. Hehe, gotta love him. Don’t know why, but I know I have to 😉

  3. HAHAHAHA.

  4. 🙂

  5. ha ha! love it, especially the whole zoo date thing! ha! guys are so dumb sometimes! lol!!! too funny and yes, I think after they gotcha, lovey romance stuff does go right out the window!!! lol, still laughing.

  6. Guys ARE dumb, I agree! lol I am fine with him not being that romantic. I think that if he were, he’d just use it to be affectionate, and I don’t really care for kissing and hgging ALL THE TIME. Every now and then, sure. When they’re not routine, they’re awesome.

    But I don’t think Mike associates romance with being kind in other ways, ya know? I think romance to him means JUST affection. Romance to me means kindness in general. But that’s how things work. IMO… Men are very specific, while women see the bigger picture in most cases. For an example, when we argue, he wants to fix the single problem, let’s say it’s that we don’t spend enough time together (which it’s not, because we spend ALL our time together). So he might say something like, “Sorry for not spending time with you. I’ll try to spend more time with you every night.” and for me, the problem might not just be that he’s not spending time with me but that we just don’t have a quality connection period. Like if he even spent 5 minutes with me, it would be awesome if he was focused on me and didn’t have anything else to focus on for that few minutes. So his idea of the problem would be focused and mine would be broad. It’s just how he and I work!

    I’m so much more complicated than him, I guess. And now that I think about it, that was one of our recent issues. Quality versus quantity time.

    We’re a mess. But we can still laugh at the end of the day, so I think that shows that we’re actually pretty normal. We’re gonna make it after all! *throws hat*


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