Posted by: angelnorman | November 21, 2008

8 Reasons why my life is sucking right now

1. I am not doing well today. Par for the course this week, though.

Honestly… I just feel exceptionally out of whack. I don’t even know how to describe it in order to blog about it and explain what I’m feeling and why I’ve been avoiding much social contact. I’m just not a good version of myself right now, no matter how badly I want to be. This is partially because I’ve had some health issues, some family issues, some emotional issues, and some pretty mild insomnia issues this week. The funny thing about the insomnia though is that it exhausts you so much that it never feels mild. It feels like a huge deal. I’m pretty sure it’s a direct result of the worry that I’ve been dealing with this week, so it’s like every problem is a direct result of another. I need to find the source of it all, my root problem, and work on it, but I don’t know what it is.

That’s my biggest problem.

2. I am so tired of forcing happiness. No one here is happy… Mike is miserable 90% of the time, and I don’t know what to do to help him. It’s really a bummer for me though because I need someone who’s happy to pull ME out of my funk. I need someone to balance me out, and I don’t have anyone.

Then, Nicholas is always so moody and goes from not wanting anything to do with me one hour to needing my full attention the next. And he’ll raise hell if he doesn’t get it. It is so frustrating to have him come home from school and then refuse to even so much as smile in my direction, but then, when I try to do something, especially if it’s on the computer, he’s climbing all over me, asking for food, drink, help going potty, for me to help him find this toy or that, etc every five seconds.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with my grandmother for something like 3 hours and during that time, he ate two sandwiches, two packs of fruit snacks, an applesauce, and had like three cups of milk. For a snack. He is just always wanting something. And sometimes, I don’t think he wants them all that much… he just wants me to serve him.

Yeah I said it. He’s not hungry. He wants to enslave me.

3. My house sucks. I hate it. I am so fed up with the way my kitchen floor and wall still isn’t fixed, or how when it rains, we still have problems with leakage so maybe that wall is going to rot again until we rework the gutters/roof our deck. I’m so tired of cleaning it only to watch it get destroyed again in a matter of minutes. I am just fed up. FED UP.

4. We’re broke and it’s not even Christmas. Mike wants to go out of town the week after my birthday and I’m all, “How the heck are we gonna do that when we owe Vandy $1000 and plus we still need to buy everyone’s dumb Christmas presents?” And he’s all, “But we need to get away!” And while I totally agree with him, I just can’t see it happening and me not regretting it afterwards.

5. I am so tired of feeling like my problems are not valid and that I can’t share them with anyone. I keep getting weird vibes from people that what I’m going through is nothing compared to what they’re going through and I should shut up. It’s pissing me off actually.

6. My uncle has cancer. Cancer. Pancreatic, to be specific. He’s so young, too, it’s really just awful. It has totally broken my heart for him and his family.

7. Today is my dad’s 48th birthday. I am having dinner with him tonight. I hope I can be nice, because really, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for me to be sitting at the same table celebrating someone who disappointed me so much two weeks ago that it prompted me to write him an email about it. You know me, I don’t confront people. So this may end badly. I hope I don’t bite my tongue so much it bleeds, but I really don’t need to say anything.

8. I am so not looking forward to my birthday. I’m just not. I don’t care a lick about it. People keep asking me what I want to do and honestly, I just want everyone to leave me alone about it. I don’t want to do anything but be left alone. And Christmas is my only hope of joy, but what with the money issues and all, I’m just not sure it’ll be joyous.

So there ya go. That’s me this week. And yeah, it’s not as bad as some people have it, but whatever. It’s not fun either.

Tune in next week to see whether or not I’ve went completely over the edge.

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Responses

  1. I know I can’t say something that will just all-encompassingly fix everything, so I’ll just say I love you and thinking of you and praying for you!

  2. I second what Emily..and I just sent you an email asking about your birthday..so ignore that. 🙂

    I think that whatever problems you are going through is a big deal. And you can definitley vent to me whenever..I know from experience that however you chose to deal with it is not the choice of everyone else. And you are not going to handle things the same as everyone else. So, whatever way things effect you is just how it is FOR YOU! And you are totally VALID in my book. Anything can be a big deal in our minds and in life. I love you dearly and I hope after you sit back and have your birthday to yourself…I can come give you a force hug.

  3. i just sent you a facebook msg. christmas is not about presents or money, silly…it’s about being with family. and guess who you get to spend time with on christmas? that’s right, ME! lol and even though presents are really fun and great and it feels good giving them, it’s more about LOVE! i feel like this is a full house episode, especially if i ended it with, “LOVE is the greatest gift of all.” and the we hug. hahaha

  4. this is suppose to be a fun time of year and everyone is suppose to be all happy crappy and whatever, but it’s like it usually turns in to a stress fest for people and puts them in a funk, at least it kinda does that to me. We stress about presents and no money and all that crap and it really does take the fun out of it! So I’m there with ya kinda. Anyway I’m thinking of you and yes, Angel your issues are valid and don’t let any one tell you they are not! And if they can’t listen dang it call me, I will. Plus, I think when one person gets in a funk, it kind of rubs off on the whole family, because I know when I’m in one, Scott’s unhappy, then Abby starts with her attitude and it’s like geez, you just need a freakin break sometimes! So go take a break by yourself! that way you don’t have to deal with anyone!

    Love ya,
    Char

  5. much love and big hugs

  6. You want to know something funny? Your dad is turning 48…and mine was 44 when I was born !! Hope things get better soon. Call me if you need to. Want to plan to ahng out next week after the Thanksgiving holiday is over with??


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