Posted by: angelnorman | January 5, 2009

I’m feeling Cymbaltariffic, thank you.

It’s been one week and a few days since I took my first antidepressant.

In this amount of time, believe it or not, I have begun to feel better. How better you ask? Like, a lot better. Sure, I was jittery at first, unable to focus on much. It was really strange too, because I didn’t notice it was happening until I found myself staring at my computer screen locked in a daze and unable to remember why I was even sitting at my desk in the first place. It was almost like I’d drank an entire pot of coffee in one sitting and then was crashing… My fingertips felt tingly, my mind raced. And that was the norm for about 3 days.

Since then I’ve been a little restless, almost as if I have too much energy and not enough to do. Today I washed all the clothes we own I believe, and played with Nick as well as showered (before lunchtime, *gasp*). I now seem to have the motivation required to get up and go.

However the most important change I’ve noticed is that the fog that keeps me from seeing the good in most situations seems to have lifted for now.

I don’t find myself stressing as much. The hot water heater needed replacing, but I didn’t even freak out about the $400 that it cost. Even though I previously forbid Mike to take on another home project until he finished the kitchen, I let that go temporarily and I have to say that Mike and his dad did an excellent job on it. Our medical bill went into collections even though Vanderbilt didn’t bill it properly, so technically we were still waiting for that to be handled (read: their fault; we totally slipped thru the Vandy cracks), and did I freak out about being in collections like I might normally? No. I shed no tears, I didn’t fret about my future or my possible bad credit or anything. I simply said, “Well, Mike, we’ll give them jerks a call and sort it out. Don’t worry.”

ME telling someone else not to worry, especially a typically calm and collected Michael, is all new territory. What’s the secret? I simply wasn’t worried about the money or the bad credit or anything else that would normally have me so worried I’d be in tears, that’s what! When we called to sort it out, VCH wasn’t worried either. They apologized and that was that. It was taken care of in an instant.

I don’t let other little things get to me either. I let it go. In and out again. It doesn’t stick with me like it might normally do. Also? I don’t allow ME to beat myself up anymore, to always blame myself for other people’s issues. I no longer feel the need to address, nor do I stress over, areas of turbulence in my life. It’s almost as though I just don’t care, though I still do deep down somewhere I’m sure. I just don’t get so emotional or worked up about it. I haven’t been overly emotional at all actually.

In fact, I’ve only cried once in the last week and a half, and that’s because George Lopez made me cry. It was the episode where Carmen goes to college and he’s in her room reminiscing about her, and it made me sad that kids grow up and go their own way. I think that was it. Or maybe it was the one where Benny’s house burns down… or the one where he punches Manny in the face and says, “That’s for my mom!” and then later, Vic comes and gives him money and it’s all touching and sweet and hilarious.

Oh sabes que I love that show. Waa-cha!

I’m not sure how much of it is the medicine and how much of it is me finally deciding I’ve had enough of the sensitivity, the depression, and the feelings of absolute hopelessness. I think it’s probably both. I finally have the energy to ignore some things, haha.

Though I gave my sister a hard time when she said she felt so much better after only taking her meds (effexor) for like three days, I did read that lots of people notice a difference within themselves in the first week of taking an antidepresant. I was all, “Yeah right, Courtney.” And she was like, “Seriously! I feel better! Why don’t you believe me?!” Then I was like, “Somebody call the waaaah-mbulance for this whiny baby!” (Not really on that last part, but she was really defensive and honestly, I suppose it was rightly so. I’d behave the same way if someone told me they didn’t believe I was feeling any better, especially if it was someone I love. Like Mike, who incidentally hasn’t really bothered to ask me much how I’m feeling. JERK.) It’s totally possible that my cymbalta has indeed made a difference in the way I feel. At least according to Cymbalta’s website. Or was that WebMD?

All I know is that things feel good. I feel good. I have energy and I’m actually able to get out of the bed in the morning and play with my kid again. I’m able to face the day without dread. Also, I have supportive family and friends who are emailing or calling and checking on me or making sure that they keep me in their prayers. And you know I can’t complain about that.

***

In other news… my mom gave me a framed picture of myself in 7th grade (the one in which I’m sporting very short bangs I cut myself that morning) as a joke for Christmas (she gave my sis one of herself too). Anyways, I had it with all the other Christmas stuff I was putting away and Nick saw it, asked me to tell him about it, then decided he wanted to keep it. I told him sure, and do you know what I noticed a couple of nights ago? He’s been sleeping with it in his bed every night since then! I asked him if he always had it in there and he said, “Yes. I like it.” How cute is that?

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Responses

  1. So glad that you are feeling better dear. I started to feel a lot better as soon as I started taking my liquid calcium magnesium. It made a huge difference immediatley!

  2. I’m so glad you’re feeling better! I was hoping and praying that the meds would help. Of course, being tired of sensitivity and depression is an important part of it, too. Ultimately you have to change yourself, the meds just help you along a little bit.

  3. Both of you: thanks!

    I agree that the meds only help you along and that you ultimately have to change on your own. Meds are certainly not the answer to any problem, and unfortunately I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. I’ve allowed myself to go along with the idea that medication would fix things for me in the past. My thyroid issues, my PCOS, my infertility, my depression… all of them I’ve tried to fix with medication in one way or another. The thyroid I tried to fix with Synthroid, the PCOS I tried to fix with Metformin. I tried to fix those things hoping that it would fix the infertility and the depression, too. But you see, while those medications may be vital to “curing” my issues, that’s not all that needs to be done. I need to exercise and lose weight. I need to be healthier. I need to be in shape. And I’m simply not. The medication can only do so much before it needs a little effort from me.

    Unfortunately, I’ve been in such a funk for so long that I’ve not had the energy or the motivation to do much of anything for my part in my own healing. I’ve been all “go with the flow” and “hope for the best” when really I’ve needed to be determined to pull myself up off the floor and do something about all the injusticies I face 🙂 And I guess the whole point of this blog was to say that I’m finally ready to change things, thanks in part to my Cymbalta. I’m ready to be happier and healthier.

    I really feel like things are improving, even though things still suck sometimes. I can at least see silver linings, and that was something I had lost the ability to do.

  4. Cymbalta has been wonderful for me. I can’t begin to express how it truly does help with chronic pain. I do not see a problem with taking a medicine if it brings you relief; you sometimes have to weigh the pros and cons. When it comes right down to it, I much prefer the positive effects of being on Cymbalta to the depression and pain I used to have. I never had a bad problem with depression until my wreck, but when you physically hurt all the time AND have overwhelming anxiety over having to sue the person that hit you to pay your medical bills, it becomes a chemical imbalance that you just can’t fix through will power, you know?


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