Posted by: angelnorman | April 30, 2009

it’s not you, it’s me.

A few weeks ago, I applied for and received via mail a Book of Mormon. I have one somewhere, packed up in a box and doing me no good there– probably in my garage. My friend Clarisse gave it to me in high school, because she was Mormon and being a good Christian girl who has been spoon fed Christianity from birth, I had questions about the faith. I questioned a lot then– why Catholics prayed to Mary (okay, through— but I gave my Catholic friend Ashley quite a time with that), why Mormons believed that Joseph Smith was more than just a man. I had only been taught this one way of worship, this one truth, and I craved all the knowledge about God that I could get my hands on. Also, I was a typical teenager and I was trying to decide if what I had been led to believe was right. I wanted to learn it all.

After my brother Mark died, I was angry with God and stopped caring enough to question anything. If God could take him, knowing he was trying to change and do right, then it no longer mattered to me what God was like. I saw God through the eyes of pain and heartache. As I watched my younger brothers struggle to get over the death of their big brother, my heart felt more and more hardened to God and His love. Then around age 22 (maybe earlier, maybe later- I honestly don’t remember the details because this was pre-Nicholas and also during a very hard time in my life), I felt Him tugging at my heart again. I wanted more than anything to reconnect with Him, and so I did. And I haven’t stopped yet.

So for the past few days, I’ve been noticing a lot of phone calls from Provo, UT, which I haven’t answered because I assumed they were selling something. Finally Mike decided he’d answer the call today thinking maybe it was something else. Either way he was prepared to put them in their place. But they asked to speak with me.

Me: Hello?
Guy on phone: Hi, Angel, this is Jason (Matt? One of my former boyfriends?) from the Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I’m just calling to confirm that you received your copy of The Book of Mormon.
Me: I did, thank you for checking!
Him: (Chuckle) I’m glad. What do you think so far?
Me: Um (how does one give an opinion on a holy book and sound smart?) So far, so good.
Him: (More chuckling) Okay…
Me: Sorry. I really don’t know what to say about it. I mean, I’ve only read a little bit here and there, but I’ve liked what I’ve read so far, and I don’t really have any questions about anything.
Him: Okay good. Would you like an videos from the church? They’re free, and we have ones that deal specifically with forming a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I turned him down and told him I was fine before we said our goodbyes. I already have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I didn’t want the Church of LDS to waste anymore of their materials on me when I am really just trying to find a closer relationship and wanting to understand God’s love for me from lots of angles. He was really nice, and I sort of wish I would have told him that I was already a Christian, that he didn’t have to worry about me not understanding God’s perfect love or the sacrifice that was made for me at the most basic level. I knew enough to know that I wouldn’t want to be without that love… ever! I just feel badly that he’s in Provo, UT, thinking that there was this lady in TN who maybe read a few pages of the Book of Mormon and decided she wasn’t interested. I mean, maybe he’s not thinking that, but what if he was? What if he is out there now, thinking that he should have done more to talk to me about Jesus? I shouldn’t have been so silly (actually, just strangely nervous) on the phone.

So Jason? Matt? I’m sorry! I do indeed believe in Jesus Christ, and I have accepted him as my Savior many years ago. Please don’t worry about me. I’m not a heathen, I’m not using your book for anything bad. I just wanted to know more about Mormons, and there was a link on your page for a free book that would help me understand it more!

What got me thinking about the Mormon faith was actually a series of interviews I watched, which I got from cjanerun. I was reading her blog one day when she linked an interview with a young Mormon girl that really spoke to me. You should watch it. Then you should watch all of them, because they’re all decent… if you like discussing/learning about religion. And I do. In case you couldn’t tell by reading my blog and all.

Day of Faith: Personal Quests for a Purpose – 3. Rachel Esplin from Harvard Hillel on Vimeo.

I’m not really sure what questions I have and what questions I don’t have, so really my conversation with the Mormon who was named something familiar but whose name I’ve already forgotten couldn’t have gone any differently, I don’t suppose. Not until I learn what it is that intrigues me. I just want to learn whatever God wants me to learn, you know? Maybe that doesn’t make sense but surely this didn’t speak to me for no reason at all. Surely I was meant to get something out of it, if nothing more than a deeper appreciation of faith in general, since mine is sometimes lacking. *shrug*

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Responses

  1. Ask me any questions, Angel. I will be glad to answer. No, I am sure he isn’t thinking any of those things, but wanted to be available if you did have questions. 🙂

  2. I love it! You’re awesome. Just don’t drink the kool-aid…LOL! 😉

  3. All I can say is that some of my very very very favorite people in the universe are Mormons. I may not totally understand their beliefs but they are super people.


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