Posted by: angelnorman | November 12, 2009

My baby boy is five.

Those of you who have been reading my ramblings for the past five years know I write about Nick’s birthday every year in my blog or somewhere- myspace, whatever. (See here for what I wrote about his second birthday, and here for his third, and here for his fourth and here if you want to see the slideshow I made for his fourth birthday which still makes me cry- nay… bawl my eyes out- every single time I watch it). So it probably won’t come as much of a surprise to you that this year will be no different. Only it’s a little more personal this time around.

Dear Nicholas,

Today is your fifth birthday, and wow, what an awesome and quick five years its been. You have grown from a 2 lb infant into a 35 lb boy seemingly overnight. It’s so hard for me to talk about your birthday without being incredibly emotional because of all that you had to overcome just to be able to breathe, grow, and thrive. I can’t think of your special day without thinking about how you were born so little- so vulnerable. It breaks my heart for you yet makes me feel so blessed that God saw you through that time. I feel just like I did when I learned I was pregnant or when I first accepted Jesus as my savior– so many emotions, I can’t even begin to describe them. 

I have so many hopes and dreams for you, but the biggest hope I have is that you never, ever question God’s part in the miracle that you are.

It may take you years to fully understand it, but one day you’ll be able to comprehend how great a struggle it was to even bring you into this world. It was a real blessing, Nicholas. The kind of blessing you wait your whole life for. When we had you, it seemed like everything was going wrong; I know that I will never, ever forget the absolute horror I felt when they told me that my womb- supposedly the safest place for a fetus- was not allowing you to grow properly. I will never forget the look on your dad’s face, the look of defeat. Yes, that’s the perfect word for it. We felt defeated. We had tried for so many years to even get pregnant and then we went seven whole months without too many problems until that day when I was admitted to the hospital, one whole day before the c-section that removed you from my belly. They said you would do better out of my womb. When you were finally born, they were so surprised at how well you were doing! You cried like they said you wouldn’t; you were able to breathe on your own for a little while. They were right to take you out of me when they did, but they didn’t know you would contract NEC. They didn’t know that the “six weeks” would turn into two whole months in the hospital. They didn’t know then about the surgery you’d need as just a one month old or about how you wouldn’t be able to eat for a long time.

Some people might say we were lucky to have good doctors. They might say that we owe all our thanks to modern science. But it wasn’t doctors or medicine that got us through that time, Nicholas. It was God who pulled us all three through that relatively unharmed! He was there with me and your daddy when we watched you try to breathe on your own in the incubator at Baptist’s NICU, and He was there guiding the doctors’ hands as they removed a part of your intestine. He was there with you in the NICU, in the middle of the night, watching over you when we couldn’t be there. He was there when they placed the feeding tube and He was there when they removed it. He has never, ever left your side. I have felt Him with us every single day from the day you were born.

I never want you to forget that! I want you to hold that with you the rest of your life. And I know that I can’t force my beliefs on you, that one day you’ll make up your own mind about what you believe makes the world turn. That’s fine; everyone has to go through that I guess. There will be times in your life when your friends and maybe even sometimes your family will try to convince you that there is no God, that there never has been and that Christians have no idea what they’re talking about. I hope you never listen to them, Nick. People are so misled sometimes. They think they need tangible proof before they can believe and that since there is only spiritual proof of the works of the Lord, they refuse to have faith. There are people who believe in luck and coincidence and karma, and yes I think they’re all wrong, Nick. I do. There is no luck. There are only blessings. There are no coincidences in this life, sweetheart. All things have purpose; the Bible tells us so. There’s no karma… Karma is just another way of living the golden rule with more personal responsibility, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and the rewards that come from loving others.  But people think they know everything because a book or science has told them so, Nick, and most of them have never seen miracles like we have. They have not lived through the things we’ve lived through; they’ve not always been able to see God working in their lives like we have. We are amazingly blessed to KNOW God exists.

Anytime you need proof, baby, that God is out there or that He does indeed answer prayers, you just touch that little scar on your belly and remember that God has always taken care of you. He has always been with you and he always will be so long as you want Him there.

Never question God’s presence in your life. I wish you could know how we felt as we prayed over you before you went into the operating room as a little one month old baby. I wish you could have been there when we received perfect confirmation post-op that God had every intention answering our prayer to watch you grow into the boy you’ve become. I will always be available to tell that story, anytime you think God isn’t listening to you, or that He doesn’t hear His children- that’s us- when they cry out to Him. You are the very proof that He never forsakes His own. You are a perfect miracle, Nick, and I hope you never forget it.

Being your mommy for the last five years has been an absolute blessing- the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for being the awesome kid that you are, and remember: Mommy and Daddy love you so very much!

With all of my love,
Mommy

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Responses

  1. This was my 666th post. :O HA! In your face, Satan.

  2. This is so beautiful, Angel! It totally made me cry. You have inspired me to do the same with our Lil Bean. What a neat thing that Nick will have to look back on when he is older.


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