Posted by: angelnorman | June 28, 2010

saddest week ever

June has sucked.

First it was the health issues thing. I was all stressin’ about my high blood pressure and insulin levels. Then it was the quitting smoking thing. My nicotine addiction was stronger than I thought. There was even one day when I broke down into tears because I couldn’t have one and didn’t want to cave in to the addiction, but at the same time, couldn’t help myself from feeling as though I needed it.  Then there was some family drama that i literally had to keep myself out of. It was really super stressful for a good week or two.

On Saturday the 18th, we went to the ballfield in Hickman Co. to watch my niece play an all stars game. Our team lost, but the worst thing to happen that evening was that we received the news that one of Michael’s cousins on his step-dad’s side (technically a step-cousin but in our eyes, family is family) has passed away. He was in a motorcycle accident, and he was only 23 years old. My heart instantly broke. I didn’t know him well, certainly not as well as Michael, and Michael didn’t see him very much to even know him that well either. All Michael had was childhood memories of playing at his house and watching him grow up. There was quite an age difference between them. However, that did not make it any less tragic to us. And the saddest part was that the boy’s father, Michael’s uncle Tim, was actually on his way to the store, saw the accident on the side of the road after it had happened, and pulled over to offer his assistance only to learn that it was his son who had wrecked. 😦 Kenneth took his last breath’s in his daddy’s arms. How completely heart-wrenching is that? To me, it simply breaks my heart into pieces for Uncle Tim. To lose a child must be insanely difficult, downright impossible to get over I’d imagine. And on the eve of Father’s Day? My goodness, I couldn’t imagine anything harder for a father to experience.

We spent Father’s Day with our family, all the while having to carry this tragedy in our hearts. On Monday, we got to have Nick’s baseball party where he got yet another baeball trophy- this time with his name and jersey number on it. He was incredibly pleased with himself, and we immediately rushed to Sherry’s to show the trophy off.

Tuesday I woke up with a terrible stomachache- one that I woke up with every day for the past few weeks since being on the new dosage of metformin and the new blood pressure medication- but this time, the ache would not go away until I purged. I could not stop throwing up, so I went back to bed. At noon, Mike burst into our bedroom and said, “Get up! I need you to get up!” I sat up quickly, looked at his tear-stained face and asked him what the heck was going on. He began to sob and told me that his stepmom called and his grandmother didn’t have much longer to live. I threw on some clothes, got Nick dressed, and we rushed to her home in  East Nashville as quickly as we could. Three hours after we arrived, and with all of us (sans Nick, who was in the other room watching cartoons) around her, Granny Norman took her last breaths on this earth.

That made two deaths within days of each other.

We spent Wednesday at the visitation for Michael’s cousin. We then turned around and spent Thursday, after Kenneth’s Thursday morning funeral, at the visitation for Granny Norman. On Friday, we buried Granny. Michael was a pallbearer, and he looked terribly handsome all dressed up. I don’t like to talk for others, but I’m almost positive that he did Granny proud that day. He even read a poem they printed off for him in front of the entire chapel during the service. Being that he was a pallbearer, I couldn’t sit with him, and oh how my heart ached for him as I watched him read the tribute to his grandmother. We said our final good-byes together, me holding my husband’s hand while he repeated, “Granny, I love you so much and I’ll see you later.” It was completely heartbreaking all over again.

My grandparents came to the funeral to support Michael and I, and when I saw them after the dove-releasing ceremony, I burst into tears and wrapped my arms around my Nanners as tight as I could. I kept saying between sobs, “I love you guys so so much!” I want to be able to tell them as often as possible now, because I know I won’t always have that privilege. Speaking of my family, I received so many emails, offers of sympathy and support, and of course, visitation from such a good number of them that it was overwhelming. They weren’t just there for me, though; they were there for Mike, because he is one of us and they love him so very much. I think it sort of shocked Mike to see so many of them. I certainly know he appreciated it.

I said this on Facebook, but I’m going to say it again. I could not imagine my life without my family. Seriously. I am so incredibly blessed to have each and every one of them.

And then there was Cindy. Cindy was the only one of our friends who came to visit us. She told us that she had been praying and just wanted to be there for us while she could. We were touched and honored to have her there, that sweet thing. Meanwhile, I was getting emails and comments on facebook of the rest of our friends praying for us as much as they could. We were so appreciative of every prayer whispered in our names, or in the name of our family.  I have the best friends in the world, and I can’t thank them all enough for being so supportive during this time. ❤

Good news of the week: my sister-in-law got a grant for school and now doesn’t have to pay any loans back– halleluyer! Also? I bought a new dress to wear for Kenneth’s funeral this week and I bought a size smaller than I normally wear… and best of all? It was on sale! And I looked super in it, thank you very much. Who doesn’t need a little good news every now and then? I know Mike and I could certainly use a little more of it after the week we’ve had.

Here’s the best news of all, though. Both of the loved ones we lost this week were Christians, which means that we will see them again one day in Heaven! Their burials were not goodbyes, just see-you-laters. They are free from the suffering of the world, and are rejoicing and praising God as I type. A part of me even envies them, as weird as that might sound to a non-believer. I want to see Jesus too, you know. I want to kiss His sweet face and hug His neck and thank Him in person for all He’s done for me. I don’t want to have suffer any more, either– to live with health problems, stress, sadness, despair, financial issues, and the weight of the world pressing down on me all the time.

But it’s like the pastor said at Granny’s funeral: Life is suffering, but it’s worth it. For in the end, our reward is great! Amen to that. I fully believe that with all my heart. So I’ll press onward, always trusting that God has a plan and that He will make sure I am repaid tenfold for all the heartache I’ve suffered. Maybe my reward isn’t earthly, and that’s okay with me.

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Responses

  1. i am so sorry angel, you have been in my prayers so often lately, i cant wait until we can finally celebrate something


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