Posted by: angelnorman | October 12, 2010

thoughts and feelings.

(i updated my ticker this morning! i’m now 17.5 lbs lighter than my starting weight, thankyouverymuch!)

it’s always a good day when you can update your weight loss ticker. i’m 2.5 lbs away from reaching my second goal, and my enthusiasm towards my new lifestyle is greater than it has been yet. i cannot believe all the changes i’ve made– changes that have now become preferences, too. for instance, last night, i could have had the same ol’ bacon and eggs for dinner (with toast, as i am on phase two and bread hasn’t added inches to my waist yet!), but i couldn’t stand the idea of not having veggies. my body ached for it. all day long yesterday i felt bloated and sluggish– just all-around icky. i had been snacking on things– string cheese, toasted english muffin, nuts, cauliflower with ranch– but didn’t really eat a bunch of meals, and it certainly wasn’t balanced. i just kind of munched all day because honestly? my stomach felt icky from the birthday cake, the pumpkin spice donut, and the other foods i ate this weekend that were less than nutritional. i didn’t feel like going to the store and getting anything good so i laid down and slept for 5 straight hours… i felt so run-down!

once i ate my turkey and spinach wrap with side salad, though, i felt so much better. sure, i had to drag myself to the store after my insanely long nap that didn’t even really refresh me to restock the fridge with all the veggies i could fit in there, but i almost instantly felt like i had energy once i ate a good dinner.

it amazes me how much the right diet can affect everything right down to my mood. i was doing dishes, planning meals, baking egg muffins… i was good till 1 AM!

but there ya go, an update for you. i’m on phase 2 and still losing! i’m also loving it.

***

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about nicholas. he’s growing up so fast, y’all don’t even know. he’s at that dreaded age already where he prefers videogames to toys– he’s asked for a Nintendo DS and games for Christmas, to which i responded that he’d get very little else and he said, “i don’t want anything else!” also, he is very peculiar about where i take him. last week when we went to the park, he walked around bored. he didn’t want to play on the playground! i tried to swing and slide with him, trying to get him in the “mood” to play a little, but he kept saying he wanted to go home and see if Sean could ride bikes with him. 😦 he likes the zoo- we took him last Friday- and the idea of going to the Discovery Center in Murfreesboro, but he keeps turning me down everytime i ask him to accompany me to the local pumpkin patch, saying, “there’s nothing for me to do there!” it makes me sad, cause we go there EVERY year but at the same time, i can see how some of that stuff is a little boring to older kids. nick doesn’t want to go play in corn or do the hayride– but i bet you he’d be up for it if i said, “let’s just go feed the goats!” (in fact, i may use that on him later so that we go at least once. it wouldn’t feel like fall if we didn’t go spend a ton of money at our local pumpkin patch! i love Walden Farm with all of my heart. and uh, i really love their pumpkin bread. which i can’t have, but would cheat on my diet for if necessary.)

also, he’s really into the scary parts of halloween this year, which he’s always hated before. he’s so pumped about trick-or-treating, and he’s NEVER cared for it in the past. he keeps coming up with ideas for a halloween party, which we’re not having– we are doing a pumpkin carving party, though– and he’s all, “i want to get skeletons to hang from here and then over there we can put a ghost… and we need something that hisses at you when you walk past it!” and i’m all like, “who are you?”

oh, and the same thing goes with his birthday stuff. he wants all action figures– but he has so many that he can only think of two that he wants, and i already bought them. so i can’t tell anyone else what to get him.

he’s absolutely set with what he has, which is good, but it is also hard for this mommy because i can see him getting interested in things that i think are more big-boyish. things like the superhero guys he’s been interested in for a long time, so it’s not that. it’s videogames- like the whole DS thing- and bikes and skateboards and scooters. i keep thinking, “he’s only 5… should he already be this fascinated with the x-games?” “should he already idolize skaters?” “should he already know how to work an iPhone?”

i miss my little guy who loved stuffed animals and was content to build with his blocks only to turn around and knock them all over. at the same time though, i can’t help but smile. he is SO much like his mom and dad. we love our computers too. we love us some videogames. i understand his obsession, i do! even if it annoys me that he is as obsessed as he is. i get it.

i know he’s going to grow-up. i get that, too. i told mike, “why does he have to like all that expensive stuff now? why can’t he be content with hot wheels still?” and mike replied simply, “welcome to having kids. it’s only going to get worse.”

….but at five?!

i feel like he’s growing up too fast, and maybe i’m wrong. but it’s made me start to think less about baby #2 and more about baby #1… i told my friend katie the other day that right now i’m at the stage where i feel nick is enough kid for me. that’s partly true; i’d be a liar if i said that meant i didn’t ever want another kid. but i do believe in my heart that i need to spend less time worrying about the baby that hasn’t happened and more about the one that did. because it won’t be long before he gives up his action figures completely and starts asking for things like a laptop, a cell phone, new clothes!

(oh how hard it is for me to imagine nick asking for clothes…)

time flies, though. and i don’t really want to miss a minute of what is left of his childhood by focusing all my effort into having another kid. so here’s what i think… i’m okay if i never have another one. really i am. sure, i’m going to keep testing things so that i know there’s no problems and trying at a much more relaxed pace. meanwhile, i’ll focus on batman and spiderman and enjoy being the mother of a little superhero like nick.

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Responses

  1. thats awesome, and sad, made me tear up a little


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