Posted by: angelnorman | January 17, 2011

thinning.

On Friday, I felt like I deserved a reward for all the good I had done since the beginning of the year towards financial security. I decided that I needed new makeup, new wrinkle cream, and new hair. I know, quite a reward. May as well have treated myself to a day at the spa, too, eh? Or at the very least to a mani/pedi and maybe a shopping spree at my favorite clothing store? All joking aside though, I only spent about $60 the entire day… that’s not so bad, right? I mean, did anyone see The Middle last week? I could’ve bought $200 eye cream…

I’ve been feeling like something is “missing” the last few weeks. Missing from me I mean. My sister would probably quote Alice here and say, “You’ve lost your muchness”… and that’s exactly how it feels! I’m missing some chunk of me that I can’t quite put my finger on, and I want it back like yesterday. I feel as though I’m walking around in a fog waiting for something to do. I’m not depressed; in fact, I’m quite happy these days! But, still, I feel different. All work and no play, perhaps? I have been quite productive compared to this time last year.

So yes, I rewarded myself with some new mineral makeup. And some lipstick. Also some wrinkle cream which is just a glorified moisturizer that probably won’t even attack that one wrinkle I have. And then I borrowed my friend’s steam cleaner and cleaned the heck out of my carpets, and as a reward for that, I got a haircut.

I just went into StyleAmerica, y’all. It’s not like I paid $100 for this cut. So I go in, and the guy there is like, “Can I help you?” And I say I want a haircut and he goes, “Alright, I can do that.” And for this brief moment I was like, You’re not touching my hair! You don’t look near gay enough for my tastes! (I love a gay male stylist. They always, always know what they’re doing when you go in there and say, “Uh, just give me a style with layers…” like I always do. I’m not good with knowing what I want, I just pretty much put all my trust in my stylist and pray they get it right. Which is why I hate Supercuts. THEY NEVER GET IT RIGHT.)

Then he asks what I want. And I think, maybe I should be less vague than “haircut”. So this is what I say:

“Okay so like, I have really really fine hair…and it just lays there when it’s growing because it weighs so much and I have NO lift, which means no volume whatsoever, and it’s killing me! Now I don’t mind putting product in my hair and spending about 15 minutes doing something with it in the mornings, but spending any longer than that is SO not my thing! I can’t even begin to imagine having to do that. So basically I want like, a style that is a style when I roll out of bed, so that I can product-it and go. See, i used to have that stacked-in-the-back, longer in front style and I don’t mind that, but it is SO overplayed. Maybe a shaggy bob with layers? I am okay with losing a couple of inches but i don’t really wanna lose any more.”

He sat there for a second, probably trying to process that. “Okay,” he said.

I was skeered out of my mind to leave my hair in his hands. He didn’t try to talk to me at all the whole time, which normally I admire in a stylist, but this time it made me nervous because 1) I couldn’t tell if he was gay and I was worried about the fate of my style in some straight dude’s hands, and 2) I was wondering if he was one of those “hair artist in the making” types who kind of envision what they think you want and then design a style that they like instead and tell you afterwards what they did as though it was EXACTLY what you asked for. That’s only happened to me once, and eventually I did like the cut, but still. Beside the point.

So afterwards, my hair looks better (split ends gone) and feels much lighter. I was happy just with that. Forget how it looked (which was fine). I already felt better.

“Do you suffer from thyroid issues?” He asked me.

“Uh…yes? How did you know that?” I asked back. I mean, was it stamped on my forehead? ‘Diseased!’

He went on to tell me all about his sister-in-law, who has the same balding patterns as I do and who also suffers from a thyroid disorder. He used the term “thinning patterns” though, and okay, i guess technically it is just really thin in places but honestly it just makes me feel bald so I tell people I’mbalding. So we talk about my recent failed dye job (I dyed my own hair a dark brown, which btw, is pretty much my natural color, and for some reason, my roots came out reddish brown. The dye had no red in it– it was Nice n’ Easy Natural Dark Brown. Not auburn, not copper. So I have red roots and dark ends. Stupid.) He told me that it was the same sort of stuff that happened to his sister-in-law, and that it was all due to our thyroid issues as best he could tell. Of course, he’s not a doctor, he said, and that was really just his best guess. But he thought it a coincidence that we both have that issue. (And technically, she has it worse, ’cause her hair just breaks right off when he puts dye on it for her! Just breaks!)

So this is what I learned:

1. Hypothyroidism sucks.
2. I DID deserve a little lovin’.
3. The stylist was more than likely gay.
4. I loved the stylist by the end of my cut, hence why I believe he was gay. And if he’s not, he should be.
5. I will eventually be bald and then it won’t matter if I have wrinkles or not because I will already look ridiculous.

(Pssh. I’ll buy a wig.)

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